change

I have a feeling that this will be the turning point of my life.
Am i hating this change because i hate change itself? or do i really not like my life right now? Will i ever get accustom to this change?

Studying in KL is so different from studying in JB.
For one, this i my first time staying away from home, and the most important part is that I'm staying with someone else, Michelle.
Although Michelle is a really great person, but sometimes I just cant keep up with her, everything about her is impromptu. I can't. I'm a person that plans out what I do, even if it's just washing the plate. Michelle is also really fast paced, by fast i mean she is so independent, she has great confidence, and most of all she's really good at driving not to mention cooking. She is the opposite of me. I'm not independent, I don't have confident, I cant drive and cook. For me this change feels like a never ending chase.... When is the time that i will be independent, when will i have a bit more confident with myself, when will i learn how to cook and DRIVE!

I know it's wrong for me to think this way, but i cant help to feel jealous of her.

Now that I'm staying with a person who is my complete opposite, I feel pressured, I don't wanna be a burden to her, I want to quickly change, so that I won't tie her any more. I know she likes to be free, but I really need her by my side now (at least for now). I don't know if she understands, but I'm really scared. I don't know what am i afraid of, but i feel that everything is not under my control any more. Just like driving, you never know what to expect (in my opinion anyways)

When studying in Sunway, the routine was fix, all I need to do was to comfortably sit in my mom's car, reach back to my noisy home (now it's just a lonely house of 2), watch tv, sleep in my comfortable room (now it's just comfortable bed. Now, everyday is a 'happening' day, I experience feelings that i don't usually have in  KL: panic, fear, doubt, low self-esteem, anger (the type that slowly creeps up to you), frustration (mainly towards myself) and embarrassed. Not to blame anyone, but because things tend to happen randomly and suddenly around Michelle, I am left with no choice but to cope with it.

I don't really know how is the best way to deal with all this, but I know by the grace and mercy of god I will somehow manage to get through this period of though time.