Drowning In My Sorrowful Thoughts

Why do i constantly need approval from others.

Cant i make my own decisions base on my own liking n thoughts?

I think too much. Sometimes, when things go wrong, i must correct it, because somehow i feel that i am the source of the problem.

I try to be lay back and let things come as they go, but deep down inside I'm panicking. 

Million of butterflies in my stomach trying to escape.

I try to start and plan stuff, but it always turn out to be a failure. Not Because of my incapability, but because of my laziness.

I try to please people, but end up making myself miserable.

I try to speak my mind out, but often offend someone else.

I try to share my joy with others, but it came across as noisy n boastful.

I try to listen, but i space out.

Sometimes i wonder am i ever myself, or am i a mere image of the people around me.